FA calls for greater transparency from FIFA over ‘correct bribery protocol’

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The FA has called for greater transparency from FIFA claiming that the world governing body’s ‘culture of secrecy’ over the best way to bribe their officials seriously hampered England’s World Cup bid.

They have called for details of all ‘gifts, donations and meaningless international friendlies’ to be published as they had been ‘left in the dark’ with regards to the correct level of bribes executive members would need in order to win their vote.

An FA spokesperson said, “We fully recognise that bribery is an important part of top flight football – it’s as much a part of the modern game as diving, adultery and twitter.”

“But what we want is a level playing field where every nation knows the financial commitment required to mount a successful bid.”

FIFA bribery levels unclear

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Several other nations share this view and believe that a shake-up is needed, including Australia.

The head of the unsuccessful Australian 2022 bid explained that oil-rich countries had left football bribery completely unrecognisable from the process it was just ten years ago.

He went on to say, ‘We turned up with what we thought would be enough money to buy 5 or 6 votes but no-one would listen to us.”

“All we got in response was some nonsense about the strength of the Qatari Riyal compared to the Aussie Dollar.”

One FIFA insider, who wished to remain anonymous, offered a different point of view.

He put England’s failed bid down to the FA being ‘arrogant’ and ‘out of touch with the politics of world football’.

Describing a conversation he had with the England bid team about wanting to meet Pippa Middleton, he asked if he could be have ‘a one-to-one with that cracking Royal arse’ but was later disappointed to find himself alone in a hotel room with Prince William.

Both FIFA presidential candidates, Blatter and Bin Hammam, denied there was a problem with transparency in FIFA and both promised to ensure that in future countries will know exactly what a successful World Cup bid will cost should they be elected.