Fighting Taliban will not prepare you for teenagers, teachers warn former troops

author avatar by 13 years ago

Education Secretary Michael Gove’s plan to use former troops as teachers has prompted education professionals to warn soldiers that no amount of front-line experience can prepare your for dealing with a British teenager.

The plan is part of an overhaul of teacher training which Gove believes will improve the standards of teaching across the country, whilst improving discipline in the classroom.

However many teachers have warned that the plans could lead to classrooms being run by massively unprepared former soldiers, who are unlikely to have faced an enemy as resourceful as a modern schoolchild.

Teacher Hilary Broughton told us, “British teenagers are resourceful and cunning, and although outwardly they appear to be mostly retarded, they actually have a better grasp of the rules surrounding what powers teachers actually have than most PTA members.”

“The Taliban has nothing on these kids. They are masters of their domain.  You think you struggled in the mountains of Afghanistan? Wait till you spend an hour in the library with class 11B.”

“I fear this plan will be like sending lambs to the slaughter. It will be a bloodbath.”

Troops as teachers

Laurence Williams was a soldier for eight years before retraining to be a teacher, and spoke to reporters about his experiences.

He said, “I spent two tours in Iraq, and a further six months in Afghanistan, but I still have nightmares about the three weeks I spent working in one of London’s inner-city Comprehensives.”

“I still hear the screams you know. I can still feel the terror I experienced walking through the gates, not knowing if today was going to be my last.”

“Worst of all, I couldn’t defend myself.  No matter what happens, no matter how severe the provocation, you simply can not kill a schoolchild.  They’re very strict on that point.”

“It doesn’t help that the government leaves us so poorly equipped to work in that environment.  No weapons, no armoury. To be honest, I’m amazed we don’t lose more teachers on the front line.”

“My doctor told me to take a less stressful job, so these days I’m working as a body guard in Iraq.”