Labour and Tories accused of illegal electorate-sitting arrangement

author avatar by 14 years ago

The UK’s Government and Opposition have both been threatened with prosecution for allegedly engaging in a “mutually beneficial” electorate-sitting arrangement for the last hundred years.

The move comes in the wake of Government legislation that criminalises regular child care arrangements between working mothers who are not registered child minders.

The arrangement between Labour and the Tories is said to be illegal, as neither party has registered as a totalitarian dictatorship.

A representative from Ofvote, the election watchdog, turned up at the House of Commons this morning to make it’s accusations.

Both Labour and the Conservatives were accused of taking turns to nanny the British people with a plethora of idiotic, ineffective and restrictive laws “for each other’s mutual gain and reward”.


“At first I thought Ofvote had got the wrong address,” said Prime Minister Gordon Brown. “Or that they didn’t realise the innocent nature of our arrangement with the Tories.”

The two main British parties are believed to have been reported by an anonymous whistle-blower, who wished only to be known as ‘Nick Clegg of the Liberal Democrats’.

“We received a tip-off from our source, codenamed Nick Clegg of the Liberal Democrats – you can print that, no-one will know who he is.”

“He told us that the British people were at risk from a two-headed totalitarian beast with a string of convictions for crap legislation,”

“We immediately put the Government under surveillance. When it became clear that they had been nannying the British people for more than fourteen days a year, we moved in.”

Under legislation the Government didn’t actually realise it had passed, both Tories and Labour will be breaking the law if they continue to govern Britain without signing the Totalitarian Dictators Register and submitting to self-financed CRB checks.

“This is a typical New Labour violation of civil liberties,” whinged Conservative leader David Cameron. “Basically, I am being forced to pay money to prove I’m not Hitler.”