Americans protest for right to make insurance companies richer

Thousands of protesting Republicans have reiterated that they want all life and death medical decisions made by insurance adjusters, not fiscally irresponsible doctors.

Tens of thousands of well-insured people marched from the White House to Capitol Hill in Washington to protest against Barack Obama’s plans to provide healthcare insurance for everyone.

The Republican party have used the UK’s National Health Service as an example of what can happen when you let doctors decide how and when to treat a patient without regard to what they can afford.

“In the UK they will literally crack open your chest to restart your heart without so much as a cursory glance at your bank balance, even if you work in a supermarket!” said a Republican spokesperson.

“And did you know that some insurance company executives in the UK drive cars more than 18 months old and sit in chairs make from FAKE leather.  Did you know that?”

“Is that what we want for our nations insurance workers, the greatest in the world at what they do?”

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Supporters of President Obama’s plan point out that the US spends twice what the UK does on healthcare, and yet its residents still live unhealthier lives and die younger.

“That’s completely irrelevant,” said one staunchly Republican opponent of the Obama plan.

“It’s clearly my 1st amendment right to make my country’s insurance companies the richest in the world.”

“If some people have to die entirely preventable deaths along the way, then so be it.  I suppose it’s a bit like Iraq in that respect.”

“If we’re going to have ‘death panels’ who decide if you live or die, they shouldn’t be populated by doctors with years of medical experience.”

“They should be run by loss adjusters who have a keen eye focussed closely on the bottom line cost of saving that person.  It’s the American way.”

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