We need just 10 billion more CCTV cameras, say Police

As figures showed that one crime is solved for every 1,000 CCTV cameras, the Police announced we are just ten billion cameras away from solving all crimes, everywhere.

Whist there has been much criticism over the 999 CCTV cameras which contributed nothing to the crime solving statistics, Police have been quick to focus on the one camera that does.

“I think this proves that the CCTV cameras work, it’s just that we don’t have enough of them.” said Det Sup Michael Michael McNally.

“What people should realise is that we need to focus on that one camera that helped us solve a crime, not the nine hundred and ninety-nine that nobody ever had the time or inclination to review.”

“If we were to add a further ten billion cameras we could solve all ten million crimes reported in the UK last year.  Every single one of them.”

“Wouldn’t that make everybody happy?”

Privacy

The prospect of two hundred cameras for every man, woman and child in the country has been seen as slight over-kill by privacy campaigners.

“You probably only need a couple of dozen cameras to cover me from every angle at every minute of every day, so what are the other 175 cameras for?”

“There are only so many reverse angle high-definition shots you would want to see of me being stabbed by a twelve year-old.”

A Home Office spokesperson said, “CCTV is there to make communities feel safer.  Mostly.  And also to make a few quid for the camera manufacturers.”

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