After seeing Starbucks move to the top of the unhealthy eating charts, McDonald’s has vowed to regain its rightful place at the head of the fatty food league.
Starbucks has hit the headlines this week for launching a ridiculously titled Dark Berry Mocha Frappuccino – which contains an incredible 561 calories, more than a Big Mac burger.
The drink, which no-one is currently admitting to ever ordering, saw Starbucks leap five places to the head of the carcinogen-friendly food table, much to the disappointment of McDonald’s.
“We pride ourselves on having built a 60-year reputation of being the number one home to self-indulgent fatties with no self control,” said a McDonald’s spokesman.
“And having seen this latest move from Starbucks, I’ll admit we are hurting.”
“But rest assured, we are working night and day to retain our place at the head of the obesity table.”
“We have our chefs working right now on a new drink, which is essentially a pint of warm lard taken through a straw. You can actually feel your arteries constricting whilst you drink it.”
“But if people really insist on having caffeine kick, then don’t bother with fruiticcino’s or whatever – we’ll happily grind up a few pro-plus tablets and chuck them in for free.”