World mourns as French president leaves hospital

author avatar by 15 years ago

Ageing short single men around the world are today in mourning as French President Nicolas Sarkozy left hospital in Paris, ensuring Carla Bruni will not be on the market any time soon.

Sarkozy, who collapsed whilst jogging, had given hope to many of the planet’s less-attractive men by seemingly putting a supermodel with a penchant for shorties, back on the market.

However, with Sarkozy expected to make a full recovery, the line of potential suitors outside the hospital will be heading home alone, again.

“It’s not fair,” said one man queuing with a bunch of flowers and a guitar.

“He’s had more than long enough with her now, he should just pass away quietly and let one of the rest of us have a go.”

NewsThump Best sellers

“I’d be great for her.  I’d let her play her guitar – in a sound proofed room – and once we’d spent a few weeks visiting all the people who bullied me at school, she could go and do her own thing again.”

“And I promise her that the sex will be mercifully brief.  I’ll happily put that in writing.”

Taking it easy

Sarkozy has been warned by medical experts to take things a little easier from now on.

“There is no point in him trying to get the physique of a younger man, she’s clearly not into that kind of thing.” said one Doctor from his military hospital.

“He should let himself go, begin a high fat diet, and maybe start taking Class A narcotics by the bucketload.”

“I have his wife’s number on my speed dial in case of any further complications.”

NewsThump Hoodies