Nation relaxes as terrorist threat is deemed to be merely ‘substantial’

author avatar by 15 years ago

People across the UK are relaxing as the terror threat level has been lowered to “substantial”, the Home Office has said.

As the nation breathed a collective sigh of relief, the threat level fell its lowest point since the halcyon days of summer 2007.

The downgrading means there is now just a “strong possibility” of an attack, instead of the previous chances of attack rated as “highly likely”.

“This is great news, as a ‘strong possibility’ is practically nothing,” said London resident Peter Jones.

“I regularly go out on a Saturday night with a strong possibility of pulling, yet I spend most Saturdays nights watching Match of the Day alone with a kebab in my lap.”

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The threat levels themselves have been the subject from criticism by members of the public who claim not to understand the severity of the warnings.

“I get that its been reduced, but what are the chances of me being completely incinerated by an Al Qaeda suicide bomber on my way to work?”

“I want someone to put a number on it, maybe a percentage perhaps?”

“Why don’t they just let Ladbrokes do the warnings, at least then everyone would understand the odds of them suffering a brutal death at the hands of Islamic extremists.”