Purveyor of banal reality television Simon Cowell and chav-wooing retail mogul Sir Philip Green are finalising details of a new company whose products are expected to push the very boundaries of taste and decency.
Though not yet officially launched, Max Clifford has been secured as the new firms PR representative, creating a triumvirate that leaves just one further spot open on the board, that for the Devil himself.
“They’ve been good friends for a long time and what better way to cement that friendship than to jointly create a barrage of populist shite to punt at the nations retards,” said Clifford.
“Plus they already work together, in a fashion.”
“Just about every female contestant on the X Factor looks like they were kicked through Green’s Topshop, so we’re just formalising the relationship.”
“There truly is no limit to what they can achieve, if Simon said he wanted to make guns for toddlers there’d be a queue around the block of young mums wanting to volunteer their progeny for testing purposes.”
There is already rampant speculation as to what this new “reality retail” super company could create, though the smart money is on puppies made of Heroin.
Apprentice failure and all-round odious tinker, Syed Ahmed, was said be delighted at the prospect of the new company.
“This is great news! No-one was interested in my range of lingerie for 12-15 year old girls, but this seems like just the perfect morally-bankrupt company to launch it.”