Setanta surprise as ‘charging more for same service’ fails miserably

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Setanta, the Irish sports pay channel, has seen its football broadcast package sold to ESPN after its business model of charging extra cash, for what people already had, performed exactly as everyone who didn’t work for Setanta predicted.

The channel, whose service is immediately recognised by the amateurish standard of its broadcasts, is said to be surprised that more people did not subscribe to its £10 a month channels.

“It was all about choice,” said a Setanta spokesperson.

“We chose to pay through the nose for the rights to some Premier League matches that Sky already owned,”

“Then we relied on customers to choose to pay extra for those games – which of course they had previously been watching as part of their existing Sky Sports package.”

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“Unfortunately, people aren’t stupid, and in their droves they chose not to take us up on our offer of further choice.”

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Even the use of sports presenting legend Des Lynam in an advert about dried fruit had little impact on subscriptions.

Following ESPN’s intervention, football fans will still have the opportunity to pay as-yet-undecided amounts of their money to watch over-paid fancy-dans throwing themselves to the ground on Monday evenings and Saturday afternoons.

Richard Scudamore, Chief Executive of the Premier League, expressed his delight at ESPN’s involvement.

“There are about one hundred and fifty nine million reasons why we are ecstatic with this offer.”

“ESPN’s significant bid ensures that we in the Premier League can continue our systematic removal of every last penny of disposable income from fans around the country.”

“Without the intervention of ESPN, there was a real concern that Premier League players like Kieron Dyer might not be able to command weekly salaries of £75,000,”

“And no true football fan wants to see their heroes forced to struggle by on less than £50,000 a week.”

Competing broadcasters are pencilling in mid-January as the expected date when ESPN come to their senses and try to offload their latest turkey.

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