Wednesday 10 January 2018

New Army adverts to explain how recruits will be able to legally kill people


British Army recruitment

A new marketing campaign for Army recruitment has been encouraged to focus on the bit where you get given a really big gun and can legally kill people.

With Army recruitment facing a crisis, the new marketing campaign for careers in the Army is focussing on potential concerns amongst prospective recruits around religion and sexuality.

The strategy itself has been criticised by people who would like to see the Army at full strength.

Marketing expert Simon William told us, “A message of inclusivity might be considered a good thing if you’re recruiting for new instructors at a Yoga retreat – but if what you actually want is young people to go around the world and shoot people, maybe you should be looking for people who find that concept quite appealing?

“They definitely exist, I assure you. If you want to find people who like the idea of legally killing foreigners, just go and look for some Twitter accounts featuring the Union flag – I suspect that would be a fertile recruiting ground.

“Visit a few comprehensives and look for the kids going around smashing in faces for a few pennies or a chocolate bar. Imagine what they could achieve if the rewards were thousands of pounds a year.

“I just think they’re going about this all wrong. There are people out there who are intrigued by the idea of killing other people, why not get them into the Army so they can do it legally?”

Potential recruit Justin Matthews told us, “I get that they are happy to have muslims and gays in the Army now, but just to be clear, I can still shoot them if they’re on the other side, right?”

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