Thursday 20 July 2017 by Arabin Patson

Attempt to distract British public with BBC salary revelations ‘a resounding success’, claim bastards


Rupert Murdoch

Ruthless bastards at all levels of the British power structure have rejoiced at how well yesterday’s disclosures diverted the public’s attention from things that matter.

Rupert Murdoch, an Australian bastard and media magnate, said he was delighted seeing people feign shock that celebrities earn a lot of money,

“It’s a double whammy. I’m trying for the umpteenth time to grab Sky and control most of the airwaves, so if people can look elsewhere and forget the whole hacking of dead children thing that’s brilliant. Also, the BBC is a serious rival so undermining them really helps. Thanks.”

Theresa May, a bastard politician, said that people gossiping about Gary Lineker was exactly what her government needed.

“I’ll be honest with you, things aren’t great right now. The Grenfell fiasco, racist MPs, half the cabinet vying for my job, not to mention David Davis looking like an amateurish twat in Brussels by showing up with a goofy smile but not even a notebook. This bollocks might just save my skin.”

Simon Williams, PR consultant and utter bastard, explained that the BBC salary story was one of the greatest distractions since the expenses scandal.

“It works for all people. The Guardian is whining about pay gaps and lack of BME high earners. The Telegraph can bleat about hard working licence fee payers taken for a ride even though 94% of their readership are retired codgers.

“Even the Sun can use Chris Evans’ wages as an excuse to print screenshots of Billie Piper’s tits from Diary of a Call Girl. It doesn’t get any better.”

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