Tuesday 7 March 2017 by Russell Myrie

Tory Brexiter planning for ’empire 2.0′ since boarding school


Brexiter happy with empire 2.0

A Brexit voting member of the Conservative Party is overjoyed with the news of plans to try and improve trade links with a host of African countries that had forgotten their place as members of our Commonwealth.

Unaware that the term ’empire 2.0′ was coined as a criticism, Sir Barnaby Harrington is giddy with excitement that his childhood dream will finally be realised.

“It was terribly sad when we had to give up all of our lovely possessions wasn’t it?” Sir Barnaby said while wiping away a tear.

“I always looked forward to the day when we would put it right. Let’s be honest; this is the closest we’ll get in the age of political correctness and not being able to say anything.

“Yes, I was bullied at boarding school, but I don’t feel that’s relevant.

“I used the time constructively. While my head was being flushed down the toilets, I would distract myself by imagining how we could become great again.

“I think we’re a much better bet than the bloody Chinese. The nati… err, Africans know they can trust us, don’t they?

“Well they should. It’s not as if they’ll be able to do anything useful on their own, is it?

“No, I won’t calm down! The only reason we had to trouble ourselves with Europe in the first place is ‘cos we lost the empire.”

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