The nation has finally become a tiny bit interested in whistle-blowing website Wikileaks after it was announced they would be releasing documents relating to the way the X Factor is so clearly fixed.
Most people have said they don’t care what the US embassy said about Labour candidates that were never, ever, going to be leader of the opposition, and asked to be notified when they uncovered something important like vote rigging in reality television.
First-time Wikileaks visitor Daisy Williams said, “This is what whistle-blowing is all about. Who cares what the US thinks of the UK’s involvement in Afghanistan, I want to know if Simon is controlling Dannii Minogue like a bit puppet, as we’ve all long suspected. If you watch in high-definition I swear you can see the strings.”
“It will be nice to finally have proof. Even if Simon Cowell has done everything in his power to stop us seeing it.”
Wikileaks founder Julian Assange said, “Sure, I would have liked it if people were more interested in uncovering what goes on behind the doors in the corridors of power. But if they really want to know how Simon Cowell gets his way on everthing, then so be it.”
“To be honest, I’m surprised there are still people that think X Factor is a talent competition of some sort, but then there are an awful lot of morons out there.”
Documents to be released are expected to confirm long held suspicions that Louis Walsh is held in a top secret psychiatric facility from Sunday night until Saturday afternoon, when he is allowed out to play in front of millions of shiny-box watching morons.
Daisy Williams concluded, “I heard they play non-stop cheeky girls to him, 24 hours a day. It makes sense really, and is pretty much the only excuse for someone believing in the dubious musical talents Jedward and Wagner.”