‘Everyone definitely reads their junk mail’ insists government

David Cameron has insisted that the £9m spent on leaflets hasn’t been a colossal waste of time and money.

The self-styled Prime Minister took the decision to have EU information leaflets distributed to 27 million UK homes, in a move described as “brilliant” by him and up to three other people.

“It’s brilliant,” insisted Downing Street spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“Everyone reads absolutely every unsolicited leaflet that comes through their door; otherwise how would they know where the best pizzas are?

“We’re confident that everyone will read these leaflets and absorb the information in the same way they would have done if we had built a website at one twentieth of the cost.”

Citizen, Elizabeth King, said “Oh, that was for the EU thing? I assumed it was those double-glazing twats again.

“I might fish it out the bin and read it later if there is literally nothing on television; and by literally nothing, I mean every channel will opt to show a black screen, or repeats of Take Me Out.”