Alesha Dixon to be replaced on Strictly judging panel by dancing tramp

News that Alesha Dixon has quit her role as judge on Strictly Come Dancing has sent the rumour mill into overdrive, as people wildly speculate as to who her replacement will be.

The former Mis-Teeq singer appeared on a previous series of the show and turned out to be fairly good at doing what her professional dancer partner told her to. This meant that she was then qualified to sit on the judging panel and say things like ‘that was really good’.

Fans of the show are hoping that the new judge will be somebody with much more experience in the field of dance, and the current favourite to take over is a homeless man from Bedfordshire known locally as ‘Nigel the dancing tramp’.

Nigel is something of a celebrity in his native Luton, where he is well known for his tendency to bust a move after eight cans of special brew, and those familiar with his routines believe he will be an ideal replacement for Dixon.

New judge

“He definitely has what it takes,” said one of Nigel’s fans, who often makes him dance for kebab meat on a Friday night.

“His break dancing routine while trying to get up off the floor after a mixture of special brew, vodka and meths is legendary, so he really knows his stuff.”

“I think he’d be a great addition with his mixture of sweary abuse and rambling tales.”

Some people are not so confident that an alcoholic vagrant will fit the format of the show, and producers are said to be concerned that Nigel’s tendency to ask people for spare change whilst shouting incoherently may only represent a small improvement on Dixon’s previous contributions.