Don’t worry your pretty little heads about a thing, government tells women

A leaked memo has revealed that the government is planning a charm offensive in the hope of winning back female voters who it suggests are worrying themselves silly with complicated man stuff instead of thinking about kittens and chocolate.

The document reveals a growing anxiety at the heart of the coalition that women are becoming increasingly flustered and scatty, which is affecting their ability to manage household chores efficiently.

The four-page document, which has a picture of Colin Firth on the front, was written by officials at No 10 and circulated to government departments in the past week.

Prime Minister David Cameron, who is believed to have spoken to some women during his lifetime, has hit back at claims of sexism within government.

“My wife is a woman and so are some of her friends,” he insisted. “I’m perfectly in tune with the needs of women and I’ve got the receipts to prove it.”

Memo

Amongst the planned measures is a proposal to set up a website that will allow women to compare salaries.

“We’re sure that once their husbands have shown them how to work the computer, they’ll find the site really useful,” said a government spokesman.

“It will allow them to see if they’re getting paid the same amount as other women for the little part-time job in Morrisons that makes them feel all independent ”

“Plus it will have all the latest soap news and gossip!”