Unions plan UK-wide attention seeking

Unions across the country have said they are planning a wide range of measures to ensure that everyone knows they are undertaking a wide range of measures for their members.

Unison, Unite, the GMB and the Fire Brigades Union will consult members about the best way to draw attention to all the hard work the union does on their behalf.

RMT member Simon Matthews told us, “You’ve got to remember that many these union bosses have six-figure salary packages, which you don’t get to keep if you’re not being very, very loud.”

“Bob Crow hasn’t been in the news for a few weeks now, so us members are starting to wonder if he’s worth the money.”

“I imagine we’ll be centrally involved in all the attention seeking before the week is out.”

Unions plan strikes

Unions claim they have been left with no choice but to implement the wide ranging attention seeking measures after their members insisted in living longer, making long-term pension provision no longer viable.

As one Union representative explained, “I don’t care if my members are going to live to be 120, you will keep paying them the same way you always have.”

“And if you don’t,we’ll sqweam and sqweam and sqweam until we are sick.”