Monthly paid benefits to prepare unemployed for world of monthly paid benefits

A new universal welfare benefit that will be paid monthly instead of fortnightly has moved a step closer as ministers prepare the unemployed for waiting an extra two weeks for their benefits.

With the majority of workers being paid monthly, it is hoped the change will allow those seeking employment to experience that ‘Christ, is it really two weeks until payday’ feeling that they currently miss out on.

A Department for Work and Pensions spokesman said paying benefits every four weeks would help “smooth the transition into being skint for longer periods of time”.

“With 75% of people in work spending the majority of the month looking at the calender and sighing, ministers believe it is sensible that people on benefits experience time moving even slower than it already does.”

Monthly benefits

The government has also announced further details of its raft of plans to replace the monotony of not working with the monotony of working.

“There are a number of ways that the unemployed can get genuine work experience,” insisted Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith.

“As well as changing the frequency that they get paid we are also looking at giving them guidance on time-wasting techniques such as going to the toilet when they don’t need to and how to sound convincingly ill on a Monday morning.”