Another f**king horrendous thing

Reports are emerging of another f**king horrendous thing.

The fucking horrendous thing is, it appears, a different fucking horrendous thing than the fucking horrendous thing that happened yesterday.

“I saw the fucking horrendous thing, and I can confirm that it was absolutely fucking horrendous,” said a witness to the fucking horrendous thing.

“I was just standing there. The fucking horrendous thing happened and I just thought; that’s fucking horrendous.”

Simon Williams is Professor of Fucking Horrendous Things at Oxford University.

“Frankly, I’ve never been so busy,” he said.

“The number of fucking horrendous things happening right now is almost unprecedented. You’d probably have to go back to the last World War to find quite as many fucking horrendous things happening.

“I’ve had to hire two assistants just to keep up.”

Professor Williams was beginning to develop a theory as to why quite so many fucking horrendous things are happening.

“It’s going to take a bit more study to really draw definitive conclusions, but we are starting to think that the reason for the large number of fucking horrendous things happening is because everyone and everything is just fucking horrendous at the moment.

“I’m not really sure what advice I can offer to combat that. Maybe try wearing a hat?”

It is expected that today’s fucking horrendous thing will be eclipsed tomorrow by another, completely different fucking horrendous thing.

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