‘New Year, New Me’ revealed to be fake news

As 2024 passes into history as a year that should be remembered as one of the worst in history, one of the year’s most pathetic trends seems to be hanging on.

Indeed, the alarming populist tendency to just say any old bullshit and hope people are thick enough to believe it appears to have spread to the vast majority of the nation, with many of them using the arrival of 2025 to adopt such batshit crazy claims as ‘New year, new me’ and ‘This is going to be my year’.

Media analyst Simon Williams said, “It’s inevitable really; it started with that complete f**king joke of a claim on Boris’ Brexit bus way back in 2016, and really spiralled in the following years with pretty much everything that Donald Trump said, tweeted, or even basically thought.

“Then we’ve had a reality-denying Tory government for the last few years who’ve made bullshitting into an art form, and now Elon Musk’s evidence-free social media platform has taken normalising bullshit to a whole new level.

“So it’s perfectly reasonable that people would think that they can just say whatever old shit they want, and to believe it will come true for them.”

Williams continued, “This really boils down to a ridiculous belief that some people have, that things will go their way simply because the politicians they like keep telling them they will. Which, incidentally is the largest and most frequently spouted fake news statement in pretty much all of history.”

Meanwhile, like with all other fake news stories, businesses are finding a way to capitalise on the weak-mindedness of people who believe them by offering discounted gym memberships, magazine subscriptions and holidays that will mostly be spent trying to get through customs.

New Year New Me Mug – get yours here!

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