Everything is proceeding exactly as I have foreseen, explains wise Brexit sage

Ten years after Britain voted to leave the European Union, wise Brexiters have insisted everything is going exactly according to plan.

As the nation marks the tenth anniversary of the referendum, many Brexit supporters have taken a moment to reflect on the enormous benefits the country has enjoyed, while carefully avoiding any statistics, economic data, trade figures, opinion polling, or observable reality.

Simon Williams, a staunch Brexiter and regular sharer of Facebook posts beginning with the words “What the mainstream media won’t tell you”, told us, “I’ll be raising a glass tonight because everything is unfolding exactly as I predicted.

“People seem to have forgotten, but ten years ago I specifically said that the pound would weaken, economic growth would flatline, paperwork for exporters would multiply, skilled workers would leave, politicians would spend a decade arguing about how closely we should align with EU regulations anyway, and that Britain would burn through seven prime ministers in ten years while everyone gradually discovered that delivering a thriving economy is quite difficult when you’ve voluntarily made trading with your largest market much more difficult.

“Yes, I absolutely said all of that. It’s written down somewhere. Probably.”

“People also forget that Brexit was never about making people richer. It was about sovereignty. And if there’s one thing Britain has today, it’s the sovereign right to spend years negotiating trade arrangements that look remarkably similar to the ones we already had.”

Williams also dismissed suggestions that the government’s recent attempts to improve relations with Europe represented a tacit admission that Brexit had not delivered everything promised.

“Not at all. The fact that politicians are now quietly rebuilding links with Europe simply proves Brexit was such a success that we can finally start undoing bits of it.”

Friends of Williams say this is typical behaviour.

“Once Simon commits to something, he never changes his mind,” explained one.

“He still insists Betamax is about to make a comeback, that Elon Musk is playing four-dimensional chess, and that leaving the ECHR will solve all our problems in exactly the same way Brexit did.

“We’ve learned not to argue. Just nod, smile, and make sure he buys his round before mentioning the economy.”