CEO forced to resign after being caught on kiss cam wishing he’d just grabbed her by the pussy

The US tech CEO who resigned after being caught on a stadium kiss cam hugging a female colleague, believes he would still be considered fit to lead his organisation if only he’d been recorded grabbing her by the pussy.

Andy Byron, formerly of Astronomer, was filmed at a Coldplay concert embracing his firm’s Chief People Officer, before ducking like a pair of teenagers trying to avoid the wrath of their GCSE invigilator. The clip went viral, presumably because nothing screams “ethical crisis” quite like a Coldplay ballad and light petting.

“I just wish I’d grabbed her by the pussy,” Byron reportedly told close friends, tearfully deleting his LinkedIn bio.

“It worked for Trump. That man bragged about it on tape and ended up in the White House. I gave someone a cuddle and now I’m looking at job alerts on Indeed like a bloody commoner.

“The problem is America isn’t ready for leaders who hug women inappropriately, only those who grab them by the genitals.”

Sources close to the company say the board was “deeply disappointed” in Byron’s actions, citing a breach of company values, and the fact he picked Coldplay as the setting for his midlife crisis.

In contrast, political observers note that if Byron had simply expressed his sexual proclivities while wearing a red cap, he could’ve ended up running the free world.

“He showed poor judgment,” said one HR rep. “Not in hugging a colleague, just in not doing it behind a curtain like any self-respecting top executive.”

Byron’s replacement will be announced shortly, although sources suggest they’re mostly looking for someone who can keep their hand, and career, off the stadium screens.

Coldplay has declined to comment, but are reportedly retitling their next album “A Rush of Blood to the HR Department.”

If only I’d grabbed her by the pussy instead of hugging her, then this would all have blown over. The problem is American isn’t ready for leaders who hug women inappropriately, only those that grab them by the genitals.

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