Mathematicians announce four new numbers set to be approved for public use

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A group of leading mathematicians have announced that they have discovered four new numbers.

“This is a tremendously exciting day,” explained Doctor Simon Williams, a Professor in Oxford University’s world-renowned Department of Hard Sums.

“For thousands of years, humans have believed that they had discovered all the available numbers. To find not one, but four new ones is incredible.”

Dr Williams himself discovered the first one – Four Hundred and Eighty-Seven and a Half.

“Well, everyone is aware of Four Hundred and Eighty-Seven, it’s a great number. One night I was working with it and without thinking I added a half of one to it. I was tired, I don’t really know what I was thinking. Naturally I expected it not to work but when I looked, there it was; Four Hundred and Eighty-Seven and a Half. Incredible.”

Another number, One Hundred and Twenty-Ten, was discovered in Cuba.

“One of the things mathematicians have to do is count numbers to make sure they work correctly, and not just the easy counting like one, two, three but really, really difficult counting like when you go above a hundred.

“Anyway, my colleague Doctor Ramon Jones had been doing some difficult counting that morning and he discovered an anomaly in the one hundred and twenties. The counting wasn’t working correctly, and then, when he looked closely, he found this anomaly was actually an extra number! It was between One Hundred and Twenty-Nine and One Hundred and Thirty – One Hundred and Twenty-Ten.”

The other two numbers – Twelvety Four and Sixty-Thirty-Ninety-Seventeen – were both discovered scribbled on a wall behind some bins in Chelmsford.

The new numbers will need further study to make sure they are stable and safe, but Dr Williams is confident that will be cleared and available for public use before the end of the year.