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Your constant, obscenely large takeaway orders mean that your Deliveroo driver has you pegged as an overindulgent loser.
Ping
Thank you for ordering via the Deliveroo app. Again. Rough week? You know the drill by now – we’ll let you know when your food is on its way.
Ping
Would you like to add a large tub of Ben and Jerry’s… oh, never mind, I see you already have. My bad.
Ping
Your driver this evening will be Simon. Quick question – Simon wants to know if you’re going to start charging him rent? Haha, just kidding.
Ping
Query on your order – you’ve ordered the set meal for two but Simon’s pretty sure that you live alone. Is that a mistake? It’s just that you’ve also asked for an extra portion of chips…
Ping
You’ll be pleased to hear that Simon’s on his way. You must be starving – it’s been a good four hours since we brought you that McDonald’s. Guess that was just to fill a little corner?
Ping
Simon won’t be long. In the meantime, here’s the number for a very reliable oven repair service. Thought it might come in handy.
Ping
Oh and this is for a gym.
Ping
Your ridiculously massive meal has now been delivered. Enjoy! By which I mean chew slowly and give your body plenty of time to realise that you’re full.
Ping
Would you like to leave Simon a tip? I say tip but actually… cough up or he’ll tell the world what a greedy f**k you are. You f**king binge-eating loser.
Ping
See you tomorrow!
