Movie report: Everyone in this scene now a felon

Fans of heartwarming Chrismas sequel are dismayed today after it emerged every single person in a pivotal scene is now a felon.

Thirty years on many hoped for a retrospective reunion for key characters to relive the happy memories of their youth, only to have that dream dashed as the last character was indicted yesterday.

Extra Simon-Bob Williams (third from right) who was convicted for Coveting his Neighbour’s Ox in 2003, told us, “All these charges are bullshit, man. It’s a conspiracy against those of us who gathered in Trump Towers in 1991 to shoot an innocent kids movie.”

“They did Culkin for drugs, and that’s a disease rather than a crime. And Mike, the guy next to me? He got life for building a doomsday weapon and a piranha pool in his basement, which is a protected second amendment right.

“And so what if I liked someone’s ox? Ain’t no law against that except in some of the weirder parts of Arkansas.

“We’re all innocent! Except that Trump guy, obviously. Yeah, he totally did it.”

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