Superstitious morons more easily identifiable than ever, finds report

author avatar by 1 year ago

Simpletons who believe that Friday 13th is particularly unlucky are making it ridiculously easy to spot them, a new survey has found.

Researchers found that those people who genuinely believe that a combination of the week’s day and the month’s number has any influence whatsoever over the luck you receive on that day will probably identify themselves immediately.

Lead researcher Simon Williams told us, “Do you know how you can tell that someone is a superstitious moron? Because they’ll tell you, that’s how.

“They’re a bit like Christians and Vegans in that respect.

“Of course, they’ll then say it’s probably silly, before earnestly giving you some spurious claim about how that one time they walked on a crack on the street and then got fired for being incompetent are inextricably linked by the universal powers of fate.”

“Today it’s particularly easy,” continued Williams, “because they’ll keep on mentioning it, again and again.

“Have they spilled some coffee on their desk? ‘well it is Friday the 13th’. Have they lost that eBay auction they’ve been watching? ‘well it is Friday the 13th’. Has their husband left them? ‘well it is Friday 13th’.

“And so on and so on.

“Personal responsibility isn’t very big with these people.”

Non-superstitious person, Tracey Matthews, told us, “When it comes to lucky days, I find the 30th of the month tends to be better for me, but only because I get paid, so I can go and drink to forget how dismal my life has become.

“I’d tell these people it’s probably easier if you just accept that life is shit, terrible things are going to happen to you, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.

“Have a nice weekend!”