UK to grant 5G construction contract to ISIS

The UK has announced that leading terrorist scumbags ISIS will be part of the team of companies who will build the UK’s 5G network.

The news of the contract seems to indicate that Boris Johnson’s government has chosen to ignore experts who suggested that putting a major project in the hands of a foreign power who has previously sought to do the country harm might be a bad idea.

“Whilst we do recognise that ISIS are a horrendous death-cult that have been responsible for atrocities the world over, they really are tremendously good at telephony, networking and communications,” said Prime Minister Boris Johnson.

“We are satisfied that ISIS’s communications team are completely independent to their blowing-stuff-up-and-murdering-people team because, you know, they’ve told us that.

“Furthermore, they have promised us that any knowledge they have of British communications infrastructure with stay within their communications team, and never passed on to any other part of the organisation that might want to act against us.

“So, that’s completely fine then.”

The Government has also announced that the contract for the development of post-Brexit border technology in Northern Ireland will be granted to The Continuity IRA.