Monday 25 March 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Cabinet plotting to replace Theresa May with Thatcher’s ghost


Theresa May with Thatcher's ghost

A cabinet plot to replace Theresa May with the ghost of Margaret Thatcher is currently in motion.

Following Mrs May’s disastrous Downing Street address on Thursday, various cabinet ministers have been plotting and now the various different cabals have coalesced into a solid plan to install Thatcher’s ghost as PM, possibly inhabiting the body of Chris Grayling, possibly as just an incorporeal voice echoing through Number Ten.

“I think we are all convinced now that things have got so bad that the only thing that can get this government back in track is the ghost of Margaret Thatcher,” said one cabinet minister who really didn’t care if we used their name or not as all cabinet discipline went out the window weeks ago.

“It seems to me sensible to have it inhabit the body of Chris Grayling as, let’s face it, there’s nothing really of worth in there at the moment.

“The only worry is that he’d find some way to balls up giving up his body to another, more powerful spirit.”

The plot is currently so advanced, that it is expected to be put in motion tomorrow afternoon.

Cabinet ministers will gather in the Pret on Tothill Street, draw a pentagram on a table in mayonnaise and invoke a dark, ancient, Tory rite to invoke the spirit of Thatcher.

They will then install the ghost as Prime Minister leaving nothing but a whiff of sulphur in the Pret. Which most people are used to as it’s Boris Johnson’s favourite sandwich shop.

If the plan should fail in some way, the cabinet will remain committed to replacing the Theresa May with back up options to take over being Mr Bean, Rustie Lee or some bloke from the pub.

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