Boris Johnson refuses to apologise for shoving a letter into Muslim woman’s face

author avatar by 4 years ago

The former foreign secretary stands by his actions and insists that if the woman wasn’t dressed like a letterbox then he wouldn’t have tried to post a letter into her head.

Khadija Qidwai has just finished a shopping trip to Tesco and was waiting for the bus home when Boris Johnson walked up to her and pushed a large white envelope into her eyes.

Although Khadija screamed and tried to move away Mr Johnson continued to ram the letter through her veil while muttering, ‘Bloody silly thing’.

Fortunately, the incident soon ended when a passerby saw what was going on and wrestled Johnson to the ground.

Ms Qidwai reported the incident to the police, saying in her statement that a fat vagrant had tried to blind her.

However, further investigations revealed that it was, in fact, Boris Johnson attempting to post off his annual Beano subscription.

“It bloody well wasn’t my fault!” Johnson insists. “How was I to know that this young Muslim woman dressed in black and holding two Tesco carrier bags wasn’t a good old-fashioned red post box?”

This isn’t the first time Boris has made a mistake like this.

Earlier this year he threw a banana skin into the mouth of a parliamentary assistant after stepping on their foot; they yelled in pain and he assumed they were a pedal bin.

Then there was the rather embarrassing occasion he mistook the Prime Minister’s striped dress for some steps and tried to walk up her.

And the less said about the time he thought a white-capped Mo Farah was a pint of Guinness the better.

“Now look,” said Johnson. “People are free to dress as they like. But if you refuse to dress like me and have the audacity to belong to a culture I’m too stupid and insensitive to understand then you’re begging for me to abuse you in some way.

“It’s not my fault.”