Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are moving into the White House together.
Following their extraordinary meeting in Helsinki, the two leaders have fallen in love and have been exchanging romantic, sexually charged love letters ever since, leaving the carrier pigeons of both the White House and the Kremlin absolutely knackered.
“And now Vlad’s moving in,” swooned Donald Trump.
“Make no mistake, folks. This isn’t something we’re rushing into without thinking it through. We are in love. Bigly love. Yuge.
“I can’t wait for him to get here so we can start decorating this dump together.
“Melania? Oh she’s fine. She actually had suitcases packed already, which was weird.”
A spokesperson for the White House sighed, “Yeah, of course, ok. Of course this is happening now.
“I don’t trust that Vladimir one bit. He says it’s love but I know he just wants to get into the President’s nuclear arsenal.”
A spokesperson for the Kremlin said, “Mr Putin is very much in love – or as much as a man like this can be in love.
“He is looking forward to living with Mr Trump and urinating on him while listening to the missing Watergate tapes.”