A UK Parliamentary Select Committee has been left with a sense of crippling social embarrassment after a friend request sent to Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg was allegedly ignored.
With his social network under increasing scrutiny following revelations about data harvesting, Zuckerberg has become an alluringly aloof target for the committee’s affections over the last 24 hours, with a friend request the latest attempt to get his attention.
A source close to the inquiry into fake news said the committee had been meeting over lunch, perhaps had one white wine spritzer too many, and recklessly sent an unsolicited friend request, only for panic, remorse and a feeling of overwhelming – but irredeemable – shame to strike when the request had not been accepted some thirty-nine seconds later.
However, as the hours passed and the sun began to fall, the friend request had still not been accepted, and the select committee began to realise the full extent of their mistake.
Meanwhile, the chairman of the committee, Damian Collins, cut an increasingly despondent figure in the corridors of Whitehall this afternoon, nervously glancing at his phone while visibly sweating.
“Maybe he’s just not seen it yet?” he told our source, repeatedly refreshing the app to mitigate against an unlikely failure of its notification feature.
“Oh God. Oh God. Maybe I’ll poke him. Can you still poke people? I’m sure that’s OK. Yes, I’ll poke him. Then he’s sure to accept our friend request.
“Oh fucking hell – fuckety fucking hell. I’ve just liked his profile picture by mistake.”