WASHINGTON DC, UNITED STATES – It was announced today that thanks to frequent checks, Vice President Mike Pence’s prostate remains in sturdy health and his rectal cavity is showing no signs of abnormalities.
After meeting with his doctor for the 53rd week in a row for a prostate exam, The Vice President is said to be delighted at the ongoing health of that particular part of his anatomy.
Studies say a healthy man should have his prostate checked every 4 years, however, Pence says he does not agree with these findings and is just trying to prevent any unnecessary health scares down the line.
The VP told reporters that he looks forward to his exam every week, saying, “I can’t get any work done until the prostate exam is over, I think about it constantly.
“My mind is only finally at ease once I bend over for the doctor and he tells me everything looks, and feels, great.”
Pence’s doctor John Scott was hand selected after a lengthy search. Out of the dozens that applied, Scott is said to be a Yale grad and possessed the longest fingers of the potential candidates.
While talking about the exam Dr Scott said, “I told the Vice President that as a generally healthy man, a weekly checkup really wasn’t necessary – but he insisted and even asked if we could meet more than once a week and maybe schedule a check-up over dinner.”
The Vice President concluded, “If spending a few minutes a week getting my rear-end thoroughly and deeply checked ensures I am healthy enough to keep making America great again, then I think we’d all agree it’s worth it.”