Celebrities from Strictly ‘actually never want to see a f*cking dancefloor ever again’
by Lucas Wilde 9 years ago 
Strictly Come Dancing contestants who promised they would “keep dancing” were lying through their holes.
The television show requires celebrities to go through a gruelling regimen of dance training before prancing about in front of the public while donning outfits that are otherwise worn by eccentric millionaires who store their bottled piss in a palace.
“So bollocks to ever doing that shit ever again,” said the Right Reverend Richard Coles, rubbing his sore feet while tucking into a big pie.
“If anybody ever asks me to do so much as the macarena, I’m likely to lamp them.
“I’m 55-years-old and I’m not doing anything ever again that doesn’t involve sitting down.”
Alexandra Burke agreed, telling us, “this whole experience has done nothing but make the public hate me for reasons which still remain unclear.
“So sod them, and sod dancing. I’m off to become a mime artist in the park; at least then people will have a good reason to hate me beyond the fact I’m both black and confident.”
Bryan Conley said, “I didn’t really do any proper dancing on the show anyway, so I’m happy to stagger through life without doing it again.”
Yet more NewsThump stories
‘We must cut capital gains tax for people who give me five-million pound gifts’, insists Nigel Farage
Reform promises to rescue Britain by taking money from people who can’t work and giving tax breaks to people who don’t need to
Italians riot as tourist orders cappuccino after 11am
Man begins three-day period of saying the time and then what time it ‘really’ is
Johnny Depp left terrified after Met Office issues Amber warning
