Post-Brexit economy to be based on pounds of flesh

author avatar by 7 years ago

Your skin will soon be your money, according to the latest Brexit negotiations.

The government will announce its post-Brexit economy plan today, and the basis of it will consist of using actual flesh to purchase goods.

“A packet of crisps will cost you some of that shitty skin around your fingernails,” explained economist, Simon Williams.

“Whereas a new Ford Focus will essentially require you to lop off an arse-cheek, or both of them if you’re a skinny prick.”

Remoaner, Jonathan Coates, said “walking around, constantly bleeding from fresh wounds is about what I expected from Brexit.

NewsThump Hoodies

“So this isn’t so much a disappointment as it is a depressing confirmation of my fears. Lopping off the fat from my calves in exchange for a new iPhone is going to be a right pain, both literally and figuratively.

“On the plus side, this finally validates my life of eating to excess. I’ll be the richest man in my street, and it’s all thanks to cake.”

Brexiteer, Henry Thomas, said, “An economy based on pounds of flesh! Finally, we’re going back to pounds and ounces! Freedom!”

NewsThump best selling notebooks