Man commits to lying about exercise by buying really expensive trainers

Buying a really expensive pair of trainers has ensured that local man Simon Williams will really put the hours into lying about how much exercise he does in them.

Simon, who has told everyone he’s starting a new fitness regime, decided to ensure he doesn’t back out of making up endless stories about getting out there for a good 5k by pushing the boat out on the best trainers money can buy.

“They’re gel-soled fitness-adaptive with an integral step counter,” he told us. “I’m really going to have to bullshit hard to justify what I’ve spent on them.

“I could have gone for a cheap pair, but then everyone would expect me to stick them in the back of the wardrobe and never boast about the miles I’ve put in and my micronutrient load.

“But this way, to make sure I haven’t wasted the money I’m going to have to make up all kinds of crap about banging out reps and proper hydration and beating my personal best.

“Jesus, I’m going to talk about exercise so much everyone will think I’ve started doing CrossFit.”