Apprentice contestants surprisingly shit at thing they’ve never done

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The nation has roared with laughter at the hapless buffoons on The Apprentice once again.

This week the teams were tasked with arranging and performing a circus show, with no hints or prior training and seemingly not allowed to Google anything.

“It’s not going that well,” confirmed contestant, Simon Williams.

“I’m a computer programmer from Watford, hoping to work with Alan Sugar on a new social media platform I’ve invented, so learning to walk a tight-rope is a little outside my sphere.

“The producers have made it very clear that we’re not allowed to hire outside performers, or ask one for advice, or even use Google, so I suspect that we are all going to look like an even bigger bunch of incompetent twats than we actually are, which seems unfair.

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“I’ll just blame someone else for all of my mistakes and then shout quite loudly in the boardroom. That always seems to work.

“That’s assuming I don’t fall off this tightrope and die, which I’m sure the producers wouldn’t allow to happen.”

Producer, Jay Cooper, said, “Bollocks we wouldn’t, that would make for cracking telly.”