Fagin spending today divvying up massive sweet haul

author avatar by 6 years ago

The shadowy mastermind behind a network of adorable urchins is spending today deciding who should get the Quality Street.

Children up and down the land have been recruited by a sinister, stooped figure who controls their annual sweet-gathering from behind the scenes for his own benefit – and encourages them to threaten householders who don’t pony up.

Once the children have filled bags with sweets handed out by unsuspecting adults they return to a miserable garret where they are handed to the miserly mastermind for him to take his share.

“When children come to your door and ask for confectionery you think they’re just playing,” Fagin told us. “But let me tell you, in this life, one thing counts – Toberlones, large amounts.

“Now, I’m afraid these don’t grow on trees. Especially Haribo, which haven’t seen a natural ingredient at any point in their production, but I digress.

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“You’ve got a trick a treat or two, boys.”

When asked, the Artful Dodger told us that he hid all the Wine Gums in his hat so Fagin wouldn’t get any.

“Chews, glorious chews, I’m anxious to try ’em”, he sang.

“Just shout out ‘wahey!’, and from adults hands pry ’em.”