A worse for wear Theresa May has today been spotted at The Winchester Pub where she outlined her intentions to stay on as prime minister over a nice cold pint.
“It’s all fine”, she slurred. “It’s just a minor cock up, it happens to everyone. It’ll all be fine in a few days time once everyone has forgotten how utterly shit I am.
“Boris is back at Number 10 sorting everything out for me. It’ll all be running nice and smoothly when I’m back, he’s assured me of that. He’s a good guy, I don’t care what they say about him.”
As reporters began to ask Theresa another question she got up and started to stumble towards the ladies. We asked whether she needed some help, to which she responded, “Naaaaah, s’all good. I’m strong and stable, remember?”