Theresa May to rap conference speech on a skateboard to appeal to youth vote

author avatar by 6 years ago

Pound shop PM Theresa May will reach out to young voters by rapping her conference speech tomorrow whilst performing kick-flips and ollies on a skateboard.

It is widely thought that the Tories did so poorly in the previous election because everyone under the age of thirty realised they were a bunch of self-serving hypocrites with a near sociopathic attitude towards other human beings.

“We really think the PM is onto something here,” said a Tory party spokesperson.

“The entire stage will be decorated with graffiti, and Theresa will wear a backwards baseball cap and big trainers.

“We’re even thinking of having her introduced by one of those black people that young folk enjoy so much.”

It has been revealed that Mrs May’s speech will begin ‘I’m T May and I’m back, Corbyn’s proper wack’.

She will then rap from her skateboard for 20-25 minutes before landing a frontslide flip, sliding across the stage on her knees and shouting ‘wicked’.

Party insiders are believed to be confident that after this, young people will think that Theresa May and the Tories are ‘fresh’.

The spokesman was quick to respond to questions about whether young people could look forward to any solid policy changes around tuition fees, housing or zero-hours contracts: “Good Lord, no. But there will be some free baseball caps with ‘Tories’ written on them in that squiggly graffiti style.”