Jacob Rees-Mogg keen to put the ‘fun’ back in religious fundamentalism

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Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg has told reporters he believes it is his duty to put the ‘fun’ back into religious fundamentalism.

Rees-Mogg was responding to criticism that he received after the press accurately quoted him on the things he definitely said yesterday.

He explained, “Religious fundamentalism has come in for a pretty bad rap these days.  It’s almost as if living your life strictly by the doctrine laid down in a book written a couple of thousand years ago – and translated back and forth numerous times since – is seen as a ‘bad’ thing.

“I just don’t understand it. The Catholic church has lots of fun elements to it, things most people don’t think of when they think of Catholics.

“There’s the lack of contraceptives, which is always a fun thing, obviously. You get to drink wine on a Sunday morning, what could be more fun than that? Plus you literally get forgiven for absolutely any bad thing you’ve ever done, whenever you want.

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“Honestly, it’s brilliant fun; you should all give religious fundamentalism a try.”

Rees-Mogg was then forced to clarify his position further after a reporter in the audience pointed to a copy of the Koran.

Rees-Mogg went on, “Yes, of course, I only mean my kind of religious fundamentalism, not the sort that comes from those other ghastly books.

“When my book talks about stoning people and killing them for things like wearing the wrong type of clothes or working on a Sunday, I realise they’re talking figuratively.

“Whereas the believers of these other sky fairies are totally insane for literally believing their book. Mine is quite clearly the real one. Obviously.”