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The United States will be temporarily plunged into darkness today when Donald Trump’s enormous ego passes between the Earth and the Sun.
The cosmic event will be witnessed by millions of Americans across all 50 states and is expected to last until November 2020.
“After winning the election, Trump’s ego began to grow exponentially. By the inauguration, it had become dangerously unstable. Just like the rest of him,” explained NASA scientist Chuck Williams.
“It was too toxic to keep on Earth so there was no alternative but to launch it into outer space.
“So, for the last seven months, Trump’s gigantic ego has been in orbit. Like the moon or one of Neil Armstrong’s turds,” added Mr Williams.
Although this once-in-a-lifetime event is expected to cause lasting damage to most areas of the United States, one group which is expected to benefit are doomsday cults.
“War. Climate change. Ed Sheeran. There’s already overwhelming evidence that it’s the end of days. However, this unearthly phenomenon will finally give us the credibility we deserve,” said Nev Burke, leader of the Nevedians.
“To be honest, it’ll be nice to be treated seriously again.
“Unfortunately, discredited movements like the Brotherhood of Brexit – who are obsessed with economic suicide – made everyone think that doomsday cults were a total joke.”
