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John McClane’s next adventure is set to be dull as shit.
In the wake of new government advice on what the public should do in the event of a terrorist attack while on holiday, the next instalment of Die Hard will see John McClane pegging it back to his hotel room and barricading himself in before calling the police when terrorists attack.
“It’s a going to be a lot more realistic and a lot less fun,” confirmed producer, Simon Williams.
“Don’t get me wrong, we all loved the first three Die Hard films and some of us even tolerated the other two.
“But it’s time to get realistic and acknowledge that the most sensible course of action for a 62-year-old John McClane is to hide until the whole thing blows over, rather than take a course of action that would probably result in most people getting their face shot off.
“Bruce Willis is well on board with the idea as it requires him having to do essentially nothing for the entire shoot.”
Script-writer, Jay Cooper, said, “I worked on Lost In Translation and this makes that look like the fucking Matrix.
“It’s going to be John McClane, sat in a hotel room eating M and Ms for ninety minutes.
“So it’s going to be rubbish, and even then it will still be better than The Expendables 3.”
