The government has won a vote to prevent public sector pay rises for front line workers after nurses selfishly refused to guarantee Theresa May a more stable majority in the House of Commons.
A Labour amendment to end the 1% cap on public sector pay rises for front line workers was defeated in the Commons by 14 votes last night, ensuring selfish nurses and firefighters will continue to get paid less in real terms year on year.
“Public sector pay rises don’t grow on magic money trees,” explained one government source.
“How can nurses expect to get paid more when they haven’t even offered to back the Queen’s speech or promised to quash any vote of no confidence in the Commons?
“Frankly, they’re being extremely naive. This government is committed to a programme of austerity for absolutely everyone who doesn’t directly influence whether we can keep our jobs or not.
“If you happen to be lucky enough to wield some sort of control over us staying in government, then hell, I’ll pay you out of my own pocket. But otherwise? No dice I’m afraid.
“Influence and power is the way to make us open our chequebook, have you people learned nothing?”