“Going to Medder’all” has supplanted cricket as the national sport of Yorkshire, according to reports this weekend.
Cricket, which is a civilised game played by gentlemen slowly over several days, lacks the excitement and challenge of visiting a gigantic shopping centre just outside Sheffield – which is why millions of people choose to do it on the hottest day of the year.
Cricket Commentator Geoff Boycott will begin hosting a new series of ‘Meadowhall Match Special’ on Radio 4 in the Autumn.
“Getting to Meadowhall is like a 21st Century Triathlon,” he told us.
“First you have to survive a journey in an overheated train with thirty-six drunk Wednesday supporters, seven bawling children and a fat lass screaming ‘I fuckin’ hate you’ down her mobile at her ex.
“Then force your way through a crushing crowd to the Chav-infested hellhole that is the food hall, where you queue for forty minutes for a KFC.
“And finally you have an argument about why you should never have come here because it’s a shithole, before doing it all again next weekend.
“Like cricket was a metaphor for the slow, gentlemanly pace and civilised standards of yesteryear, Getting to Meadowhall is the 21st century in microcosm.”