“Going to Meadowhall” recognised as Yorkshire’s national sport

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“Going to Medder’all” has supplanted cricket as the national sport of Yorkshire, according to reports this weekend.

Cricket, which is a civilised game played by gentlemen slowly over several days, lacks the excitement and challenge of visiting a gigantic shopping centre just outside Sheffield – which is why millions of people choose to do it on the hottest day of the year.

Cricket Commentator Geoff Boycott will begin hosting a new series of ‘Meadowhall Match Special’ on Radio 4 in the Autumn.

“Getting to Meadowhall is like a 21st Century Triathlon,” he told us.

“First you have to survive a journey in an overheated train with thirty-six drunk Wednesday supporters, seven bawling children and a fat lass screaming ‘I fuckin’ hate you’ down her mobile at her ex.

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“Then force your way through a crushing crowd to the Chav-infested hellhole that is the food hall, where you queue for forty minutes for a KFC.

“And finally you have an argument about why you should never have come here because it’s a shithole, before doing it all again next weekend.

“Like cricket was a metaphor for the slow, gentlemanly pace and civilised standards of yesteryear, Getting to Meadowhall is the 21st century in microcosm.”