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Improbable President Donald Trump has sought to extend his controversial travel plan to include white people following revelations that yesterday’s shooting in Washington was perpetrated by a white person.
“The problem is, folks,” said the micro-handed lunatic.
“We’ve got these people, these white people and they’re attacking us, they’re attacking the American way of life, and I’m going to protect that.
“I’m signing an executive order to prevent white people coming into our country until we can figure out just what the hell is going on here.”
There will be no specifics on the practicalities of how the travel ban will actually work because that just sorts itself out and never causes problems.
Americans seem broadly supportive of the plans.
“Hell, I ain’t racist or nothing,” said American Simon Williams.
“But white people are really starting to freak me out. You just keep hearing about white people shooting this guy, or white people shooting that guy.
“I wouldn’t be alone with no white person, and I’m white.”
However, Mr Trump didn’t stop with just white people.
“You know,” he continued, “The problem with banning white people is that’ll then it’ll just be me and a bunch of Hispanics, Blacks and Asians and they all really scare me, so I’m going to have to introduce a travel ban on those guys as well.
“Essentially, I’m banning anyone who isn’t me from American soil.”
Mr Trump then briefly paused.
“Well, anyone who isn’t me or a low-rent hooker prepared to do golden showers.
“God Bless America.”
