Ex-Chancellor Ken Clarke has strongly denied that he has spent his life exploiting his sex appeal to advance in public life.
Mr Clarke has risen to become one of the most recognisable and powerful politicians in the country but many have thought that his lack of substance has been disguised by his vast erotic appeal to both men and women.
“Look, I can’t help the way that God made me,” said the sexy septuagenarian.
“I know what people say, but if they were to look beyond my body and my looks they’d recognise that there’s a lot more to me than just my incredibly powerful sex appeal.”
It is understood that Mr Clarke’s unlikely comeback into David Cameron’s shadow cabinet came about due to the former Prime Minister’s powerful attraction to him.
“You could see it,” said a former aide.
“Dave was just enraptured by Ken. If Ken spoke to him, he blushed, if Ken came too close, he broke out in a sweat and one time Ken clapped him on the back and Dave had to sit down and couldn’t stand up for nearly half an hour.”
It was also common knowledge that Margaret Thatcher made several passes at Mr Clarke after cabinet meetings, as did her successor John Major.
Mr Clarke is expected to refuse several lucrative swimwear modelling contracts and stand yet again in the upcoming election.