Brexit will be foiled by cunning EU bureaucrats with a brilliant plan, according to sources this evening.
In offices across Strasbourg and Brussels, senior EU officials are busy changing documentation to swap all references to Article 50 to the more benign Article 49.
As one insider explained, “The UK cannot be allowed to leave the EU under any circumstances, and as an organisation as corrupt as Nigel Farage suggests we are, we will stop at nothing to prevent it.
“When Theresa May triggers Article 50 tomorrow, she will actually be triggering the old Article 49, which starts the process of applying to join the EU – so the UK will actually be double members of the EU.
“We came up with the idea over lunch, when we realised Article 50 only does what it does because we say it does. So a few hours later, equipped with some Tippex and lot of laser printers, we’ll totally be ready for ‘Article 50’ to be triggered by the UK tomorrow.
“No-one will ever know.”