Microsoft to fuck with Windows again

author avatar by 6 years ago

Just when you’ve got used to Windows 10, Microsoft has confirmed it is going to mess it all up again.

A screenshot of the new interface screen shows the new Windows will hide the things you actually use like Word and the Calculator more efficiently than ever while cluttering up your screen with pictures of waterfalls and castles and similar shit that you never asked for.

Senior developers at Microsoft have also confirmed that they’re confident nobody will ever be able to find where they’re put Paint this time, so hopefully you’ll fork out some cash for a plug-in alternative.

“The taskbar was a supremely simple, elegant and useful tool that everyone in the entire world had got used to using, so obviously that had to go,” said Managing Developer Simon Williams in a ‘Sneak Peak’ of the new User Interface.

“Then we moved the Calculator to an exciting, intuitive new location in the cache folder, and put Excel behind a chair in the corner to improve user experience.

“We’re offering a cash reward to the first person who can locate System Tools because even we don’t know where we’ve put them this time, so best of luck with that.

“Overall we’re delighted with the changes and expect our users will be too,” he finished with a smile.

When asked what options Microsoft would make available for people who didn’t like the new system, Mr Williams suggested they could install Linux before falling to the floor and laughing uncontrollably.