Wednesday 11 January 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Russia think they’re able to embarrass man who publicly told everyone his dick was just fine

Donald Trump Russia leak

Russia apparently has dirt on someone who has confirmed his cock is just dandy on global television.

American intelligence services have suggested that the Kremlin has all kinds of juicy shit about Donald J Trump that would make the average person fear for their job and reputation.

“But then this is Donald Trump,” pointed out political analyst, Simon Williams.

“Casual racism, misogyny and flat-out lies weren’t enough to do him any kind of damage, so whatever Russia has is either really, really fucking good or they don’t have the slightest clue who they’re dealing with.

“Seriously, this is a man who got up on a podium and reassured a global television audience that his penis was fine. You’ve got a better chance of embarrassing the cast of Jackass.”

Journalist, Jay Cooper, said, “I’ve gone through all of the obvious options in my head; embezzlement, extra-marital affairs, bestiality…

“But it’s got to be something really, truly cringe-worthy to stand a chance of compromising Donald Trump.

“Maybe they have audio of him saying how he’d like to date a ten-year-old girl.

“He did? Shit. On television? Blimey. The man’s bulletproof.”

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